Being Home

There's no one I met whilst traveling who had to hesitate after I asked them, "what's the first thing you're going to eat when you get home?" The answer is always different, or not if you're form New York as well, but there's always an answer. No one's completely separated from home, and getting home was nice. it was weird. the Television freaked me out, and having a computer is still bizarre. Also internet? anywhere? I don't have to sneak into restaurants with wifi to find their passwords first? absurd. SMS? holy sms. I forgot that phones were used for calling people and texting people.

It's quick, the hot shower takes ages, using condition seems foreign, and it's impossible to peel yourself out of a finally comfortable bed, but at first, being home is like being given all the things that you forgot you haven't had. Jeans? I wore jeans the first day I was home… Now i'm back in my horrific harem pants, but dressing like a real person for a hot minute was super nice…. having choices, more than blue shirt or white shirt, is weird. I'm still not sure how ready I am to act appropriately, and reckon I'll talk to people in line at the grocery store about nothing, just out of habit, but it is strange being home.

After only two days home I'm already heading back to uni, and I'm scared, and kind of depressed. Not looking forward to real work nor to the monotony associated. Soon enough though it'll gel together, and until then I'll just have to get my shit together so a future trip can be possible.

I'm not sure how much I'll use this blog from now on, but It'll definitely be my wee journal to visit in 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years. Thanks for reading if you somehow made your way through my novel. 

A Word on Romance

Similar to the meeting friends and being best friends for a few days at a time falling in love in 2 hours is the most hilarious truth of traveling, especially amplified if traveling alone. I had a few hilarious traveling romances, and one more randomly serious traveling romance, but it's amazing how easy it is to just fall in love for a wee bit, be it during a afternoon date snorkeling or a trip to the killing fields. It's a whole different world out there.

A Word on Traveling Alone

Do it. The lows might be a lot lower [like i've been in some shit situations of meeting terrible people or being completely lost with ono one to speak english,  to, or having gotten pretty crappily ripped off, but didn't want't to make a fuss to stay safe, but the highs are so much higher. Everyone I met who was traveling with people [aside from couples, i didn't feel comfortable asking them] had plans to split at some point or were mildly jealous of me as I ranted about how nice it was to be alone. You have no one to consult. Want to leave today? leave today! want to stay a day longer? stay longer. Want to bring someone back to your room? yeah it's annoying to everyone else in your crowded ass hostel, but your friends won't laugh at you in the morning when you realize you just cuddled with a troll.

Seriously though, if you're traveling alone, you're never alone. You spend no moment without people, and the only real struggle is sometimes getting a wee bit of privacy, which is not the hardest thing to complain about, nor something to worry about. You'll get on a bus, and boom. friends. get to your room? friends. Most people are traveling alone, and everyone's friendly as fuck.

On the same vein, if you meet people you like, stick with them. if you meet people you don't like, you can ditch them immediately, with no consequences.

also, it's so much easier to be yourself when you know that this person you've met is just a temporary figment in your life, unless you proper care enough to continue what you've found [which, there are a bunch of people I'm still in touch with, plan on seeing again, and seriously mean a lot to me], but still you've presented yourself as, well, yourself. It seems silly to say this as something different to what people would normally be doing, but it's true. you surround yourself with the same people you've known for ages, and you've become someone… not necessarily someone that you actually are. Regardless, if this isn't the case, then there's the fact that I noticed whilst hitchhiking-- when you know someone for 2 days, 2 hours, 2, weeks, hey'll literally tell you their life story. There's no judgements, no problems. You have someone who will listen to the shit that's on your mind for that hot minute, and it's amazing how much more you learn about others, and how much you even can learn about yourself just listening to what dribble comes out of yourself. When you're growing up, people tell you not to talk to strangers, and fucking hell that's the worst advice I've ever heard.

Another wee snippet on realizing how you interact with people on such temporary bases struck me as noticing that I'm okay. I have no trouble making friends it seems, and though I'm not for everyone, feeling that you can just get on with one random is somehow comforting. It's just like, realizing that you're a real person, a real and semi capable human being. it's nice. Suc his only possible with forced independence.

I grew up in an environment that was so catered to helping me that I don't even know my social security number… I've never fully packed for myself nor travelled around on my own. I've never booked my own flight nor done anything of real importance, and being thrown at this, and properly getting myself through it with only a teeny toe infection and a few bruises was the craziest thing I've done so far.

A Word on Backpacking

Where to stay:

if you're not staying in hostels, you're not backpacking. The whole fun of it is the lack of privacy and the fact that you have to keep meeting people. It's all the struggles of weird toilets, cold showers, uncomfortable beds, missing blankets, and no towels that makes it what it is.

Backpack

ello… if you're backpacking, bring a fuckingbackpack, unless you're like the king of traveling light and can bring a weekend bag, you're not backpacking if you're lugging around a massive suitcase. I met a few people doing this, and maybe it's better for your back or something, but with dodgy transportation and whatnot, there's no reason to be pulling a suitcase through broken roads of ghetto cities. The whole term backpacker comes from the fact that you're wearing a fucking backpack. yes, you might be still living out of a suitcase, but you look like a massive gimpson.

Hygeine:

lol.

Well, I guess there is something to say about it. There's a lot that you have to be willing to give up, and there's a lot that humans don't actually need. In australia my shampoo was thrown out for bag weight problems, and I never really needed up buying anything more than single use packets since then, for the few times I decided to wash my hair. Hair doesn't need shampoo. After like a week or less, it takes care of itself. This is not to say that the fact that I didn't have a brush, and have long hair, was also smart, as there were multiple times where Id feel the beginnings of a dread forming and have to pull it apart, but it is to say that you don't need all the little luxuries you're used to having. PEople are as stinky as you are. no one cares.

Laundry:

Okay, two months… I did laundry twice. The first time everything came back smelling like it was packaged in the same company as horribly artificial air fresheners, and the second time all my shit was pink, filled still with powder, or funky…. and definitely felt no bit cleaner. I hand washed underwear when I could be bothered hand washing underwear, but otherwise, as I said, everyone's in the same boat. I bought a pair of pants and wore them for 8 days straight. It happens! I also only had one bathing suit with me, which the only problem now is the horrible tan lines I've accumulated that are the exact shape of that singular bathing suit. I do not recommend this, but thou must travel light.

Theivery:

okay, so you'll go on a bus or train or ferry or whatever the fuck and put your bag under. lock your bag. [even though I already mentioned how you could just hit any padlock with a hammer and it will open, unbroken] because they usually have kids down there going through your shit and stealing things. Can never trust that you won't lose something, so bring your valuables to your seat with you and snuggle with them… sometimes a digital SLR is the stuffed animal you've been needing all along.

While this may happen, and while everywhere you go you're constantly getting ripped off [which is bizarre since you're paying so little] the worst thieves are other backpackers. Sounds ridiculous, but you'll meet people who say how they've been traveling for 18 months on like $600 or something. you're amazed, thinking how you've been budgeting so poorly, and then realize that all they've been doing is stealing from other backpackers and pickpocketing. They're the wors enemy since you'd never expect it. I'll share two stories.

Story 1: Travis, as I mentioned in my phuket post had his wallet stolen. He was interacting earlier with a canadian guy who was one of these ive-been-travelling-for-ages-on-fuck-all people, and they took a picture together, and then the canadian guy left…. the next thing travis noticed was that he was missing his wallet. We can't guarantee it was the canadian, but for someone to get in picture pose [best for pickpocketing] and then proper disappear is a wee bit suspicious.

story 2: So I was on this booze cruise in cambodia and, I mean, my memory is a little foggy of the event… booze cruise… but I did have a serious chat with some guy for a while about piercings and whatnot. He asked about my earrings, and I just remember the conversation going to my pearl earrings. He asked if they were real pearls, and thinking nothing of it I told him that they were, and they were my moms… They were nothing special, but yeah, probably real.

That night, I was missing one of them. I mean, I lose earrings all the time, but those are the only two earrings that proper never fall out randomly. I don't know how the hell he did it, but I have no doubt that he did, and I reckon if he was able to on such a crowded dancing boat get away with taking an earring out of someone's ear, he almost deserves it.

Transportation:

I didn't really think about it until I started doing it, but traveling takes ages…. Like you might think you're in cambodia for 7 days, but you can easily subtract 1.5 from that just for the time it takes to get from one place to another. It's not like america [wehre it still takes ages] where the roads are direct from where you start to where you finish, with 6 lanes on each side… you never know what's going to happen.

The trail:

So, everyone's doing the same thing. They either just came from where you're going to next, or are heading there soon. There's a backpacking trail that everyone's on, and there's such a high chance that you run into someone again, somewhere. It happened a couple of times for me, fewer than for most probably just because I was moving so quickly, but it's strangely beautiful and amazing…. if you don't actually run into them, you'll end up meeting someone who was complaining about someone in some hostel you also stayed in [a week later] and realize that you know exactly who they're talking about, and you were in the same bed as they were the week before, listening to the same annoying person playing movies on their effing iPhone all night. 

The Journey Home

So the whole trip was to take about 36 hours with some stops on the way. First leg:

Plane from Phuket to Bangkok. If you know anything about geography you'll realize that the fact that I went to Phuket for one dday, just to then fly to bangkok, is the stupidest thing ever, and only representative of the fact that sometimes planning things ahead ais a problem… in fact, most of the time, planning super ahead is stupid when backpacking.

I sat next to a cute asian couple with their little asian baby. she was wearing a weird denim dress with the batman symbol printed all over it. Even though the flight was only a little over an hour, they gave us a little lunch bag of some sort of bread roll and a little container of water [like an applesauce container that you have to peel back the metal to sip the drank.] before I knew it, we landed and I barely put a dent into my blogging priorities. it's slow on a phone.

After landing I ran through the airport, but to no avail since my bag was like literally the last one to come out. I was planning to meet Jacob at the MBK [major shopping center in bangkok] and time was running low. I jumped into a taxi after waiting on a hilariously long queue, and we were on our way. It took way longer than expected and I was nearly an hour late when I finally did make the run up to the 5th floor of the mall to find him at the cannon store. Sweet as though. For the nett 3 hours I missioned around the mall buying all the random crap that I figured I should take home after doing minimal shopping all trip. We then decided to go to that sushi place in the MBK that I described on my first trip to bangkok… the all you can eat place. We ate all we could eat, and I think I'm still suffering from the consequences of that excessive feast.

After I wasn't sure how long it would take to get to the airport [there were two different airports, so it was not the stupidest thing to go to the MBK in the middle of my layover… a tiny domestic one that I flew into, and then the inter national one that I'd be flying out of]. Decided the fastest would be to take public transportation/subway since it was saturday night, and I made my way onto the missed BTS, running and heading through 3 different different subways before getting to the airport. The last leg was the air train and on it i met a girl who was also flying into new york, but not on the same plane as me. We chatted for a way, and she was named amarisol… what a cool name. She was really interesting and allayed my stresses of arriving too late, but by the time I got there, I was early and had to even wait a bit before I could check in. After check in I wandered around the massive complex which is the airport and then settled in the gate, trying to charge my dead phone, before getting to korea whereI would have no suitable adaptor.

Second leg:

The flight was 7 hours or something… to be honest I have no idea… It was probably more like 5 because I got so confused with the time change, but on it [it started at midnight] I watched the movie 'the perks of being a wallflower' and couldn't properly fall asleep, passed the usual hallucination like sleep I had been getting. They ended up giving us breakfast before landing, and then I was in seoul, for a 2 hour layover. I found 3 seats at the gate I was in, laid down, and passed the fuck out. Like, I'm glad I woke up for the flight! That could've been a problem. This was the point that I realized that it was winter in korea, and I wasn't at all prepared. Dressed in a weird haremesque jumpsuit I was not prepared for the freezing gate more terminal and struggled a bit to keep warm, but at least that plane, and the next one, had blankets. 

Third leg:

This time i decided [it was 10am, which would be 10pm in ny] i should try to get a proper night's sleep on the 13 hour plane ride to hopefully avoid jet lag. 6 valium spread out over the 13 hours didn't do much to keep me asleep, but I got a few bursts of naps during the tryp, separated by meal breaks where they woke us for lunch and dinner [they used real silverware and kept offering wine… overall a prett good plane but i reckon air new zealand was better], and then I'd chat to linus, the companion to my left for a while. He's studying at RISD and like the rest of the people on the airplane, was going back to school. The entire plane was filled with boarding school students and college students all going back to school. The ride took ages, but by the time I got back, it was exciting to run through customs [I was one of the few people with an american passport, so waited on a different line]. I went to the baggage claim and holy shit, my bag was lie the last bag, after waiting about a half hour of bag after bag…. Everyone seemed to each have 3 massive suitcases with them. I've never seen so many bags in my life, but the plane was a double decker and full of students.

Once I was out, I was on my way home before I knew it. Back to reality.

Phuket

So the trip to Phuket was another night ferry to bus kinda thing. Whilst waiting for the night ferry we [I was travelling there with Travis... he ended up buying a ticket before me and then I went to the same travel agent with that ticket and asked to buy the same one... and as with asia and other ridiculous garbage related, they ended up just turning the pax from 1 to 2... I could've done that] met a bunch of scottish?irish?dunno girls and hung around them. Will was on the same ferry so the three of us went to 711 and picked up beers as well as heaps of snacks o survive our trip.

many beers deep and filled with various styles of crisps [they have the fucking weirdest flavors of crisps in asia… like there's a real american super barbecue one… not positive I'm mentioned it before] and M&Ms, we were chatty but once the lights went out we decided it was time for bed. The neighboring girls included one who was a nurse. Two of the three of them were already passed out hard, and then the awake one told us that the nurse had given them all sleeping pills from work. she distributed 3 to the three of us, and without much thought of what it was, I took mine. 

I was up at like 4am, freezing, but I still don't even remember the process of falling asleep. Crazy sleeping pills of some distinction… all of us were out. I again turned Trav into the object of my warmth needed spoon, and at wish we were dropped off at a stop to kill an hour and a half before getting on the bus to phuket. I was falling asleep on the able, but then saw Joey had also been on the ferry [from the advanced diving course] so was intrigued into conversation and ended up chatting with him for ages, mostly spinning yarns of complete dribble, but before I left he made a funny joke about my back pack, and the dorky camelback cord running across my shoulder, reminding me to check my regulator before jumping in. [it was funny. this might make no sense to you.]

The bus ride to phuket was consumed by sleep mostly and weird hallucination like dreams [fucking malaria pills still destroying my ability to get on like a normal human being]. On the way we realized we weren't positive where we were going and that phuket was actually a massive landmass. we got off and ended up getting into a little random minivan that said it would take us to patong beach, which is where people told us we should stay [the party area]. by now i was hours into my 20th birthday, and the only thing I had to vouch for it was excessive sleeping and minimal celebration.

the minivan dropped us off in he center of patong, so we wen for a wee wander looking for somewhere to stay, mostly just finding out that everywhere was already fully booked [and also super expensive.] we settled on a place called RCB, which was by far the most expensive place I've ever stayed. It was super nice, with a rooftop pool, breakfast buffet, hot shower, massive everything, and great service, but not something I was used to. We walked around the town a bit and went to lunch, realizing that where we were felt more like an american beach city [like miami area] than anything. It was weird with fancy outdoor malls and expensive places, filled with seedy old men and young thai ladies [can't tell you I wasn't warned though]. Change in scale I suppose could be best represented by the fact that with lunch, for the first time in nearly 6 months, I got a basket of bread. 

More wandering followed by a trip to the rooftop pool where Trav had a good wee nap and I stayed until I was too cold to get on anymore. When we came back in I had the best and like most cleansing shower I've had in ages, and then another nap [i swear, whatever pills this lady gave us were dangerous. some sort of ridiculous tranquilizer or something.] At wish we decided it was time to actually make moves, but we were both slightly injured with my tiny cut from ages earlier [from the first day in ooh tao when I kicked a rock] seemed to have gotten infected as pus oozed out of it, and Trav was dealing with a broken hand [nothing new… he's hd it for the past few weeks] and a new spider bite on his knee that was also oozing with some sort of uncomfortable pus. nothing to be happy about. Travis had also had ihis wallet stolen his last day on ooh tao and was still packing a sad about it, feeling limited in his expenditures. We ended up going out and walking around for a bit before deciding to follow some little asian lady advertising a pingpong show. I had been to one in bangkok but heard that they're more intense in phuket and was willing to go to another one. This one had a free entry, but you had to buy a drink, and holy $30 can of shitty beer, it was so ridiculously overpriced. We came at the end of one act, and then sat through a half hour of terribly weird asian lady stripping before they even got up to the next act. It was like watching slow motion dancing… the laziest display of female eroticism I've ever seen… and they weren't even attractive. We mostly just played 'real or fake' with their boobs. 

Eventually the show got on and a lot was the same, until they started playing with animals. Imagine, live frog, and live bird. That's all I'll say. Also, for the balloon act, everyone had to hold a balloon that the expert-vaginal-dart-shooter would pop. I covered my eyes as well as I could, terrified at the action, but it was all good.

The whole place was absolutely riddled with people begging for money though. All the performers would beg people for money and not continue until people put 100 or 200 baht into their stupid little buckets. Even with me, after I was getting change for the beers we bought, the change was too little and I was trying to explain it to her, all the while she was trying to prevent me from taking the change, complaining I wasn't leaving a tip for her…. I told her she already took her own fucking tip without asking and owed it back to me. I wasn't giving her shit. She didn't seem to happy, but I got all my money back.

Once we were sick of that we ventured around more sipping on beers and occasionally doing a bit of shopping.

The night didn't go too long with Trav's leg pain and the scene being a bit weird, but all in all, all good.

Come morning we went down for the free buffet breakfast which was pretty mean, but as usual with all buffets, I ate way too much, and then we sat on the computers there for a while as I checked Facebook messages and whatnot, waiting for my trip to the airport to finally make moves home.

We shared a taxi [which I forgot to mention, was spelt taksi in bali] to the airport, which was an hour trip, even though my flight was 2 hours later, and his was 12 hours later, and then ended up getting burger king in the airport. Most expensive fast food [airport problems] but I had my first ever whopper. Pretty okay. After finishing all of it that I could stomach, we split, I checked in at the fastest check in ever, and headed towards my gate. On my way home!

Back to Koh Tao

On the big blue free tuktuk back 'home' (I never checked out to secure an actual room when I'd get there) I met two annoying canadians. The kind of people that talk incessently for no good reason, and way too loudly. I ran into bigblue1 with a massive grin on my face and saw jake's back in the distance. Missioned towards him and threw my arms around him telling him I was a cambodian princess, no ladyboy. We caught up all afternoon and then met danique and jost, as it was their last night in koh tao (the night before they celebrated their 2 year anniversary of being together. He's 34, she 23, but such a good couple), for a bigblue dinner. I tried barracuda which was pretty yum and then we went off to a ladyboy cabaret, which is like a musical lip syncing show with only ladyboys and much dancing. It was well talented and hilarious to watch, especially as they'd randomly 'attack (with gropes and gestures)' male audience members. Jake was terrified, and jost was a common product of the joke. 

After it was done we took pictures and went off to the fishbowl for more drinks and dancing. I met a guy with the most ridiculous long dreads that he'd been growing for 11 years. I ended up also seeing trav, louise and will and following them back to trav's bungalow for more chilling, before passing out for a way too early, but finally sleeping in, 10 am advanced orientation.

It all moved so quickly as we chose the 5 dives we'd make, with the only mandatory ones being a deep dive (30m) and a buoyancy dive. We settled on a night, navigation, and ship wreck as the other three, and before we knew it we were buddied off and ready for that days 3 dives. There were 7 of us, which caps the 6 person limit meaning we'd have 2 instructors and maybe end up splitting. Jake and I decided to be buddies, and it was about half and half, the split of padi and ssi. I went ssi because I wanted to have ami as my instructor again. 

The first dive, a perfect buoyancy dive at japanese gardens was an absolute mess. 7 students, 2 instructors, and a dive master in training all trying to stay together in shit visibility and constant unsureness of who we were to follow. Tasks included hovers upside down, standing, and laying, as well as being handed weights and having to balance ourselves out to still maintain neutral buoyancy. We did a limbo game and it was all hard, but I learned a helluva lot. Someone ended up going up early, and it was hilariously uncoordinated which led to the most perfect split for the next dive. Jake, joey and I stayed with ami, and the rest with petra, the very sexy swedish instructor. I'll explain why this was the perfect split. 

Ami's team: jake: obviously comfortable with him already, he's fucking capable as, and there's literally no problem he could possible cause sans using air slightly faster than the rest of us, which is like perfectly normal since ami doesn't breathe, and joey and I would only be 10-20bar behind him. A non issue.

Joey: from singapore, hilarious sense of quiet humour, was a bit all over the place the first day, but never lost his shit and improved like mad. Most relaxed person ever, who again, could cause no problem sans making me laugh underwater.

Ami: well, it's ami. Obviously a win.

Me: can't toot my own horn, but for the most part, I'm definitely not below average on this weird lazy sport.

Basically, this group was the group of people who had all just finished their open waters on the same day, but in 3 different groups, and all capable and ready.

Petra's group:
Petra: she's an instructor, I didn't have, but jake loved her and I wouldve been fine with her too, so no worries.

The hilarious misfits of petra's group:
Asian chick whose name escapes me: she was throwing up all over the boat the first day, sea sick, bobbing in the water like mad, getting lost, and crying incessently on the swims back to the boat. What.

Miles: awesome comic book lover from the marines. Unsure of his scuba ability, but he was hilarious and british, with his only flaw (a fucking why the fuck are you even diving flaw) being that he wore glasses, and didn't wear contacts, so he was literally diving blind.

Joe: canadian, attached to his go pro, and did nothing but continuously ask questions. He was, in the way hat apple juice can sometimes be too sweet, too nice, and when one's stressfully trying to remove the fucking 55 pound tank from their back whilst wobbling on a rocky ass boat, annoying. Also, a 'guzzler' as he put it, finishing his tank ages before anyone else. During the buoyancy task he kneeled on the ground. That is all.

Zach: to be honest, no complaints. He was the other person, who if we hadn't had joey, wouldve been a great teammate. From chicago and had been living in chiang mai, he was funny and sweet and down to earth. Only slight issue was his massive headaches at resurfacing and hilarious (or terrifying? He seemed thrilled about it) nose bleed whilst underwater on the night dive.

For the navigation dive it was just ami's group we went down with, and we went to twins, where we had been twice before, but actually saw shit with the slight visibility. We stopped at a sandy patch and all I could ask was, "what the fuck is that dinosaur?" A massive corally sculpture built where we stopped, which I learned was there when we went before, we just couldn't see it. We did little tasks with oner pserson navigating and the other counting strokes and distance. We were warned the natural response was to shoot up immediately, and as jake began to nav, that's what he did. Joey on the other hand over compensated and swam into the ground. We didn't do the real nav task because of low air, but it was still cool.

We had a wee dinner break later on land before leaving again for the night dive. Armed with torches we went down. Our group was added by a chick who was a dive master from italy, and super sweet with no added stress fom her obvious skill level. It was so weird as it was difficult to determine what level you were on, and we saw crazy animals like turtles, stingrays, filefish, shrimp and barracudas. It was crazy being under when it was so dark and at a point we stopped in the sand, put our lights to our chests and ran our fingers around to see the bioluminescence that was described in the beach. You'd move your fingers and everything would glow green past them. It was beautiful and for the rest od the dive I was constantly doing it to the dark side of me. When we sat in the sand though I saw joey get about 2 inches away from kneeling on a sea urchin. Thankfully ami pulled him hard to safety, but after that I was painfully wary of stopping anywhere, and began floating slightly too high over the group to avoid touching the stuff that you could see when you were only inches away. by the very end of the dive, as we were heading up, I lost control of my bc, started panicking, and ended up popping up at the top. Atleast it was when we were going for a safety stop, and petras group was right there, dealing with zach's bleeding nose, but it was still scary and product of the low visiobilty and lack of an idea of how far I was actually going above everyone. 

After we got back on the boat I was in and out of sleep for a while and then hung out with jake before waking up for the 630am morning dives.

The first one, to chumpon was where we were hoping we'd see a whale shark, but no success. Regardless we got down to 29.2 meters and played around with an edmpty waterbottle, now hilariously crushed by the pressure. She refilled it with her breath, and showed how buoyant it would be before stahsing it away. Next toy was a can of coke, which seemed to have lost all of its red colouring at the bottom. She said she used to play a trick by also bringing coke zero, which was black, but due to getting narced (ill explain) she messed up the trick too often. We all took sips from the coke which tasted amazing and hilariously sweet. Then, the narc test. 

So there's this thing called nitrogen narcosis, which one can get from absorbing too much nitrogen [which happens as you go lower.... err read wikipedia or ask me. this isn't a science class], and at some level of absorption, one can experience 'narcotic effects.' Ami told us that she gets narc'd at 26 meters, but she's used to it so it should be all good when we get lower and play around. 

For the narc test she went to each of us and held up some amount of fingers [not usually in order, like a pointer and pinky or whatnot] and we had to show the appropriate amount of fingers that would make it add to 11. She was funny about it, and hysterical. I thought I was all good, and safe from the potential narcing, but when she came over, even though my answers were all good, I lost my shit. Giggly to the point of a completely filled mask, with no fixing it. narced.

We wandered a wee bit more and then surfaced.

The second dive of that day was to a ship wreck which was kind of artificial since it was a world war 2 ship that was purposely wrecked there. Apparently the thai government wanted to drill for oil in the gulf, and koh tao freaked out because if anything went wrong, koh tao would be dunions. they bribed them with a ship wreck, and then it was left there.. but not after first being sunk in the wrong place, right under the trail for a major ferry company.

It was really crazy to see and quite cool, and we followed it with a navagation task to the next site, but to be honest, none of us really knew what we were doing as we swam through the massive open water. We made it, and upon surfacing, we are now all certified advanced adventurers!

We were back at noonish and after showering I met jake for our final lunch before heading off to phuket. We went to an australian restaurant and had some beer and I had a massive aussie burger. It was mean. I then got some shopping done and he booked some flights. We parted ways after a wee bit, planning to meet up again later for final drinks before my trip began at 8pm. 

At 6 we were back at bb1, I was fully checked out with balance paid, so Jake and I ran to the 711, picked up reasonably priced beers, and came back to drink. we ended up sitting with a bunch of people from the advanced course and then finally said our goodbyes. off to Phuket!

Koh Phagnan

For the first time in ages I was not weighed down by a massive backpack, which somehow gains a kilo in weight every time I fly, and was only carrying the basic essentials: a fanny pack filled with cash, sunnies, a tooth brush, toothpaste, ferry ticket, phone, gopro, and the clothes I was wearing. 
The ferry I piled in on had people throwing up already, lying on the floor or across seats, ill and incapable. It was a gross war scene.

Whilst walking in I met two argentinian guys and a south african, all traveling together, friends from couch surfing of the past. There was mauro (or frodo), juan, and johan. After picking up snacks and redbulls at 711, I followed them to their bungalow for a much needed 3 hour nap. At 4 we made our way to haadrin, the party beach, for the new years festivities to begin. 

We grabbed dinner and took turns running across the street to buy various fluoro garbage to wear and better fit in with the retardedly dressed party animals all over. The drinks started slow with 711 beers and then we met up with the massive group of friends they had been trying to find for body painting and other pregaming. The people were funny and I had a field day painting people up. The whole group was wearing qweird white sheets to look like togas and have some goofy unifying nature.

Whilst wandering on another beer run I ran into paz, the ginger israeli I had met at the 4000 islands. Decided I wanted to catch up with him and then maybe try to toga reuinite later. We wandered and I met a bunch of his friends, and before we knew it we were on buckets. He was painfully sick, coughing up a lung every few minutes, which was kind of niggly. 

As the beach scene picked up hard it was a massive rave with thousands and thousands of people, going wild in their neon glory. Somehow, I spotted jacob. I ran over to him, and once he recognised me through my fluoro face paint, we hugged and decided that we had to at least spend some time hanging. We bough more buckets, watched crazy crowds, danced, and eventually saw the epic new years countdown. Afyer more intense raving, so koh phangnan on the massive beach covered with people, we went to get food (to be honest I only know this because of pictures... I was trying to timelapse the night on my gopro, but most of the pictures are crap because of the darkness and whatnot). Then, I think we decided to go for a wee nap time break, which ended up being th end of the night for me (3ish I reckon). 

I woke up in his hostel to blaring music downstairs a couple of times, alone (he went back out) and at 830 decided it was finally time to get up and evaluate the scene of the night before. He was staying in a hostel right in the middle of the party (mind you, I came to the island with no plans of accomodation so the fact that I got a proper nights sleep was amazing, especially since the rain was on and off pissing down for the whole beginning of the night). There were still people dancing downstairs, or whatever you could call random weird movements in a zombie like fashion to music, and outside was a war scene. The beach was destroyed with filth and disgusting bottles left everywhere, people passed out in restaurants, on the ground, and in their own spew. The clinic was filled with people with broken ankles and wrists, limping bleeding bodies, and people being carried by friends for immediate attention. Apparently also some british guy got shot and killed the night before between an accidental thai gang fight. Absolutely mental. There were people with patched eyes and no one looked quite right.

Somehow, by amazing chance I ran into paz on the beach (crazy when there are 50000 people to run into someone you know, not once but twice!) And we went for brekky and people watching.

We decided to get oil massages, and I was just so thrilled to be awake unscathed and with all of my belongings. Such a successful new years. After a bit I was heading off to the pier, but wanted to buy sea sickness pills first, and on my way to the pharmacy ran into jacob. Again! We said our good byes, I got my pills, and I was off to catch the boat back to koh tao. The arg and sa guys from the day befor were on the same trip so we caught up briefly after I was done dealing with the slowest and most retarded checkin process ever, where I was sure I was going to miss my boat due to the stupidity of the thai front desk people. We slept on the rocky boat, and after not too long, I was thrilled to be back in koh tao. Home!

Koh Tao

Think back to when you were a 4 year old, and nap time was still a concept, and you'll understand what this night ferry was like. Rows of hilarious mats laid out on the floor, all to be occupied with different people. The lot of us were together from our ticket pick up order, and there were heaps of empty beds, which meant when the fucking ac decided to turn the room into a fridge, there were many sheets to be lifted and used as blankets.

Valium started off my night right, as I enjoyed my own and shared with some people in line for the toilet.

I was shaken awake by Jake, who also became the victim of my spooning, largely as a measure to stay alive with the extra body heat. He has plans to dive, but hadnt booked a place nore hostel, so followed me in tuktuk for us to simultaneously see what was possible. He checked into a backpackers and i went on to big blue diving, the place recommended by many. Beautiful. The place was absolutely stunning and i was there too early to actually check in (twas 6 am) but i sat down with two south africans (the first I had met in all of my travels really, and they weren't even together!) Andrew, the dude, and waitara (her parents named her after a new zealand city, but we decided she'd be called kiki) the chick. We were all about to start our open water and they were both sweet. We ate, chilled, did the quintessential expected getting to know eachother shit, and then I finally went to my room to check in. Kiki and I were in the same 4person dorm room, in bigblue2, a part of the complex situated a 4 minute beach walk away. The tide was high so trekking in the small bits of sand led to wet pants bottoms, but soon enough we were there. I was going to nap, but realised on the walk that there was way too much beautiful sun and environment to not go back outside. I read for a bit and then kiki and I decided to go for a swim. We had off until 5pm, when orientation would start, to waste time in the sun. The water was clear and beautiful and the next person we met was louise, yet another south african. We chatted briefly but then went off for a swim. Two snorkling boys became our next companions, from, I'll let you guess, south africa. No clue what their names were but for a wee while we swam around staring at the few existing fish. As we left a rocky area I managed to cut my toe on some sharp bit. Minimal blood, but fuck. That was definitely going to hurt, be impossible to properly cover, and get infected. 

Kiki and I wandered around a bit looking for lunch and what koh tao was about, and at 5pm returned to have orientation. We had met the 3rd girl staying in our room, but for the life of me, even after 4 days, I couldn't tell you what the fuck her name was.

At 5 we went to the 'classroom,' conveniently located in bb2, where I found jake again (woo!) as well as andrew, and heaps of other people signed up for their ow.

I came in with such a presumption that I had to get licensed with padi, and that that was the only way it could be done, but the first thing they spoke with us about was whether we wanted to get padi certified or ssi certified. They seemed to favor ssi, due to its stronger flexibility, lack of a need for purchasing a useless book, and equivalent world recognition, but I was still amongst a bunch of people who had been brainwashed by the stronger marketting team of padi who were still on the fence. We all discussed, and not before long, the entire room, aside from two french girls, were on route to an ssi open water license. We filled out medical forms and then split to smaller groups to start with theory videos which were boring as hell. We also all each got a textbook to borrow and complete our 'homework' with. halfway through the second video I was like fuckit, and started on the work. Memories of 5th grade fill-in-these-sentences-with-the-verbatim-information-in-your-book flooded me as I would pick a word and scan the page till I found the missing information's answer. Andrew caught on to my studiousness (if we can call it that) and we ended up staying together after class to finish up all the homework, sharing a book, and almost childishly racing to find the answers.

When we were done we snagged kiki and went to bb1 for dinner. As it was in gili, there was an area where you could pick a fish and have it cooked for you. Obviously more expensive, but the 400g cherry snapper I got, with potato, corn, salad, and a large chang, still only cost me $11 (and an obnoxiously full, but happy, stomach). Best dinner I've had in ages. I managed to also grab hold of jake via email (not a facebooker) and make him meet us at bb1 before making moves to the night life.

Kiki opted to call it a night, so the three of us beach walked to the next happening place (mind you, bb1 at this time was already a scene, filled with people on cushions on the beach, drinks everywhere, and epic fireshows), lotus bar. Signs advertised laughing gas, and jake and I both were surprised at andrews strong positive feelings towards it. Started with beers, moved towards buckets, and somehow managed to fun into danique and jost! Jake and I were both thrilled to see them, and we all drunkenly spent the night watching an epic fire show on the beach, and eventually giving in to laughing gas's calling. Andrew dipped, and the 4 of us remaining went to the fish bowl, which is the other well frequented nightly hotspot, with a fire jumprope and limbo stick. We didn't stay long before going to get pancakes from this guy who's not only quoted in lonely planet, but also has been doing his job for 12 years. I went sweet, jake savory, and they were both mean, even though I stupidly dropped half of mine on the ground.

After, we split and jake and I went for a cheeky wee swim in the sea, which was crowded with other drunk idiots, and led to the loss of my goggles, and gain of 3 seaurchin bits in jake's foot. Eventually we called it a night, far too late to handle the 830 am wakeup call, luckily at bb2.

Come morning we were broken up into our ow groups and half taken for pool skills, and half for more theory. Thankfully, my group did theory first (far too hung over to be fucked getting in the pool).

The group:

Ami: our adorable blonde instructor from the uk, with the squeaky voice of a 12 year old, teeny stature that continuously surprised me in tank lifting strength, and extremely bubbly personality. She's been living in koh tao for 7 months, did all her training at big blue, and was no doubt going to be the comforting help I'd need in my expected future panicking. 

Kiki: previously introduced waitara, the 19 year old south african who's been travelling alone for over a year, with much time spent working in a pub in england. She has an eye for cheap thai restaurants and is the only child of an already retired father.

Chantel: new jersey 25 year old, doing her first year of med school in melbourne, on a two years in melbourne, two years in new orleans program, post doing undergrad at brown. Spunky, loud, and a fucking great character, the eventual new owner of isaac's copy of 'the beach.'

The family (kevin, jamie, and kim): an english trio (dad, son, and daughter, respectively) currently living in kuwait and on holiday to get their ows. Mum chickened out, but the 41 year old military engineer took his 16 year old son, and 18 year old daughter to get certified. I was first unsure of how to respond to the 'family' in our group, but they all ended up being great fun and a great balancing off addition to the crew.

The day started with more movies, throguh which chantel and I raced through the homework, absorbing little knowledge. Next we all met up with ami outside, played the name game, and did some theory on a whiteboard that was much clearer and more interesting than the movie, highlighting only that which we actually needed to care about. It seemed like a lot of information, but I was all in good healthy by then and actually absorbing information.

During lunch I finished the last 5 pages of the beach, which had been eating away at me in anticipation, and nearly restarted the book, but instead passed it on to chantel. I learned that I'm not allowed to bring a camera during an open water course, which was a huge bummer for the recent go pro purchase. After, we all met up and had our swim test in the sea, since the pool was crowded still with people from the morning. It was a 200 meter swim/paddle/crawl to and from a boat twice. I unsuccessfully half searched for my lst goggles of the night before. Then we had to tread water for 10 minutes, which meant float on your back. Chantel floated away at a point, seeming to have literally fallen asleep, and I spent the whole time sitting awkwardly chatting away at Ami.

Next we went to get equipment and head to the pool to learn about everything we'd be using. Putting together and taking apart things was stressful, with so much information I doubted I could remember. Then we geared up (holy heavy) and jumped into the pool. We were specifically instructed to pee in our wetsuits if we had to use the toilet, because there are only 2 kinds of divers: divers who pee in their wetsuits and admit it, and divers who pee in their wetsuits and lie.

Everything felt super foreign, and hearing yourself breathe like darth vader was a whole new experience. We were in for a few hours, watching all our fingers go painfully pruny (in masks that seemed to magnify just about everything) and learning important skills, like learing our masks if they filled with water (surprisingly simple), retriving a dropped regulator, and sharing our air. Before we got in we laso learned about buddy checks, and always diving with a buddy. The acronym for it was bangkok women really are fellas. Of course. Bc, weights, restraints, air, and final ok. Kiki was my buddy. Sometimes it was difficult to stay under for so long, but with relaxation ami guided us through everything and we eventually got to the deep end for buoyancy exercises and equalisation practice, something I feared the most of all the things we'd have to encounter. It was nearly 6pm by the time we got out, which was later than schedule and stressed me out about being able to find jake, who had been scheduled to get a bamboo tattoo that night, which I was dying to see. The only information I had about the place was that the guy was famous, rasta, used to have dreads, and it wasn't on the main strip. I searched with kiki and andrew for a while, sending email after email to jake trying to get more info to find him, and then we gave up and sat down for food. Post dinner they split and I decided to give it some more time of searching before properly giving up. I asked store after store presenting tis garbage amount of information, until I got to 'frenchkiss divers' where somehow the chick seemed to know exactly what I was talking about. She pointed and told me it was a 10 minute walk. I turned it into a 3 minute uphill sprint. When I got there, it was empty... I searched and finally a man came out, knowing about the elephant rib tattoo I was referring to, and said I missed jake by about 15 minutes. Fuck. I decided to run the dodgy way home as well, since it was dark and I couldn't be bothered walking, and as I neared civilisation, I heard a crash, and felt a massive weight drop from my backpack. The horror of my camera somehow pushing open the zipper and crashing to pieces on the ground. My phone as a torch let me recover as much as I could (I reckon it was everything sans a screw or 2) and I angrily trekked back to bb1 to find jake, and smoke half his pack of cigarettes in angry stress. (I'm not a smoker, but I occasionally have a stress induced chainsmoke session.) The tattoo looked great, and he calmed down my impending insanity. We sat down for a while with andrew and I wasn't sure whether or not I should drown my sorrows in alcohol, but at 1055, with only 5 minutes left of lotus's 2 for 1 buckets, I went for it. 

We drank for a while with (found them again!) Danique and jost, before I got berated by a cambodian ladyboy. She came up from behind, as I sat comfortably on the sand around a table, whining in broken manly english about a bald man who was mean to her, with her skinny arms dangling around my neck. I tried to be nice, to console her, as I watched jake turn and ignore the situation (cunt.) She told me 'I cambodian princess! He no nice to me! I box him." Every so often she'd fet up, dance a wee bit, and lift her skirt for everyone at the table. She started making offers to me, for what I don't know, and I tried to ward her off. She said she was done with men, but that the israeli guy next to the bald guy had a big cock. I eventually somehow got rid of him/her and decided it was only right to find this bald man and ask him what happened. A table away I sat down with him, and his travelling girlfriend of 6 days, and they both laughed along with my recent experience, complaining of the same garbage. I ended up talking to the chick for ages, who was 41, and now travelling alone after having travelled for a month with her 22 year old daughter in thailand, who paid for the two of them to go. She was super cool and kept trying to set me up with a british george who seemed to be dancing off in his own little world. I got told that I have the least irritating american accent that they've met so far.

The music turned 50s and the bar was emptying, so the remaining lot of us started to get our dance on. Twas a funny night, followed by another difficult, 830, hung over morning.

We did more theory and then took our final exam, which for some reason had been stressing some people out. The 6 of us in the group all took it together, as ami said she couldn't tell us not to... We went question by question, with chantel being some sort of teacher to us, reviewing all of the answers one by one, until we were all confident, and handed in our exams smiling and telling her that grading should be easy, as all of our answers are identical. 

After our lunch break, in which I was more nervious than hungry, so I avoided food, we all picked up our equipment and packed our bags. Though I had two different coloured fins, they at least fit (unlike the ones from the pool (also, we got a beer fine for calling them flippers, or similarly calling our mask goggles... Or for wearing it on our head)). The boat was an hour off schedule so I decided itd be better to eat perhaps, and I ordered a BLT. When I got back my change, I was charged 60 baht, instead of 90, and didn't say anything... When I sat down though to wait I thought about what on the menu was the only thing that cost 60, and reckoned there was some chance my blt might be a lot sweeter than I intended. Moments later I was brought a pancake. Fucking weirdest blt I've ever had.

We poured into a longtail which brought us to the boat, where it was a hectic frenzy of heaps of divers all setting up their equipment. All the groups were on this boat, and we were the second group to board, so it was even more stressful on the rocky ship. Whilst staring at the companion set ups, I got all ready and sauasage squeezed myself into my wet suit, to be briefed again before our dive.

For the first dive, at twin peaks, we entered the water by taking a giant step in. I stressfully entered, with my heavy as equipment on, and of course lost one fin. Retrieved, I inflated my bc and we began our backwards swim (easier to have the tank under you) to the buoy line. I was getting stung by what were apparently called sea lice, little fish that bit. So irritating and strangely painful for a few seconds at a time, I was thankful for the half wet suit. As we began our descent, my fear was proven accurate. I was absolutely shit at equalising. No matter what I did. I couldn't stop the horrid ear pain in my left ear. Ami kept flashing the ok sign and I kept saying no.. Everyone seemed to be going fine so panic set in.. After ages I gave up and went on, but not before accidentally shooting to the top again first, only to come down again. Once at the bottom I was still in pain, and the visibility was horrific. We all stayed super close and buddied up, with me basically holding kiki's hand as we swam onward. We were all at different levels and there was a ton going through our minds, but man, it was awesome. No gravity kind of flying feeling. After what seemed like nothing, we began our ascent, where my ears popped like mad, but going slowly and swallowing heaps fixed it. I was thrilled to be alive at the top and we swam back to the boat, took off our fins, and uncomfortably pulled our heavy selves back onto the boat for a brief tank change and break. When I spoke with everyone I realised that most of us were having trouble equalising, and I was just the only onw making a massive fuss over it, which helped give the rest of them the time to fix it-- so all good and confidence back, even though I couldn't hear out of my left ear at all, and wasn't too keen to go onto the next dive. Too soon later we were briefed on the skills we'd have to do on the next dive and then we were jumping backwards off the side of the boat, moving back to twin peaks for the dive.

This time was a wee bit easier to get down and we headed for a sandy patch to practice skills, which were basically the same as the ones we had done in the pool. By the time I had to do the filled mask, my mask was already full, so no big deal.. Twas necessary. We did a buddy ascent, sharing regulators to practice not having enough air, and again, upon return it felt like no time had passed, even though the dive time was over 40 minutes.

When we got back to shore starving kiki and I went to get dinner, wherein I connected to the slightest bits of wifi to look up 'when should you see a doctor' to deal with my massive ear discomfort and essential deafness. 

The next morning was a 630am wake up with our final two morning dives, so we were planning on calling it an early night, but got stopped by people outside our room inviting us to join them at high bar. As per usual, the go to answer was yes, and kiki and I jumped on the back of some brit's motor bike, as another couple came with us on the very far journey. 

As we approached, I realised a partial reason for its naming. There was a massive hill we had to climb (decided to walk it, not trusting 3 people on the bike) to get to the bar. Literally, a high bar. My ears were popping while we were there, but the place was awesome. It was reggae bar like in flavour and offerings, but way more chilled out with cushions as seats and people sprawled everywhere. We sat with a couple of austrians who were coming off of their shroom shakes of earlier, which gave a bit of a laugh, and I realised that the couple on the other bike were both people I knew. Louise, from a few days back, and will, who I met on the sihanoukville booze cruise, who had been traveling around with jacob. What's the chance! My bike driver was travis, 22 from england, and has a 5 year old daughter, which was the topic of much chat with me.

We hung out for ages, taking turns on a hammock, and kiki and I had to keep refusing the drinks the austrians were buying us due to our morning dives. The highlight of that evening was the discovery of an austrian lighter that had the address of some business, where the first bit read 'egg.' I asked if he lived in egg, and he said his uncle does. Lost in translation perhaps, but I wish I kept the lighter.

We were home not too late and passed out to wake up at 545am, for the last two morning dives of our ow.

We went to champon and white rock, which were both loads better in terms of visibility, and painfree due to some drug called tiffy, that I was given before the dive. When we asked what was in tiffy, ami laughed saying chantel is a med student so she can't tell us, but eventually siad it has some similar qualities to speed. I don't care.. It worked.

Everyone saw a turtle on my dive. I said I did too. I saw no turtle. (Jake if you're reading this, fuck off xx).

Both of the last two dives were filmed by ami's boyfriend, an underwater cameraman, and we would get a showing at the bar that night. This insighted much stupidity like a humand pyramid and the macarena. By the end I felt way more comfortable and finally positive that I was going to come back after new years to do the advanced course.

When we got back to the boat, everyone was lining up to jump off the roof, a concept that scared the shit out of me, but I didn't want to be the only one chickening out so with the helping hand of someone on the room, I made a jump, and then honestly just sat down as a landing. It hurt like hell, and I immediately regretted it as my lefs were too pained for me to properly swim back to the boat.

When we got back I went with jake and kiki for lunch at this thai place we began to call home. I ordered glass noodles with seafood and noticed quite early in that waiter, there's a fly in my shrimp! Nestled in the curve rested a dead fly. I wasn't too bothered, but semi hoped for a free meal, so opened my mouth. Much regret came as I had to wait ages, and all they probably did was put it on a new plate for me.

I showered (and shampooed! First time in ages) and then napped for a few hours before heading to book my advanced course as well As change my boat from ko phangnan to go back to koh tao, instead of koh samui. The bitch at the travel agent said everything was booked, so I used her computer and booked it my self. Lies.

Then we all met up at bigblue 1 again to watch the final movie! I only wattched the one before ours and ours, but by the time ours started, the majority of us had bough group rounds and I was well deep into intoxication. It was hilarious, and much better than the one prior, so everyone decided it was worth the expensive fee to each buy one. 

Will travis and louise met us there and after some goodbyes we went to trav's bungalow for more drinks and a hilarious game of kings cup, wherein kiki's rule card was a stripping one. As it fell apart I went for a wander and met up with a bunch of girls I met earlier, but went home not too late to get ready for an early ferry. Inthe morning I was up early trying to get kiki's key to her locker which was holdung my gopro. She lost the key and we had a massive mission trying to find it, and eventually just getting reception to break open the lock, which only took the bang of a hammer. How comfortingly safe. Twas stressful, but I got it and then went to catch my 930am ferry to koh phangnan. On the tuktuk ride there it started pissing down hard, a concern for the rest of the evening.

Ko Phi Phi

A bus to a shuttle to a boat, I got to know all of them pretty well, mostly nyu juniors who were abroad in shanghi for the semester, and one cousin who just found them. 5/6 jewish, a funny crew to spend christmas with. The boat ride was awesome-- 2 hours of gorgeous open sea, only dotted by a little non-threatening rainstorm mid journey.

When we got to the pier they realised that the bungalows they had booked were not anywhere near the populated bit of the island, and all the worries I had had about not finding accomodation (which is why I was going to ko lanta) were bullshit, as thai people stood at the pier offering their guest houses and bungalows. To get to 'long beach,' the site of their bungalows, we had to take a taxi, which on ko phi phi is a longtail boat. Fixed rate of 100baht a head to get us the 10 minute journey to the epic staircase leading up to our spot.  So epic that we put our bags ona little trolley that got pulled up pulley-system style, as we trekked, puffed.

Checking in was funny as they tried to convince the little asian lady that I was just a friend dropping off her bag, and not actually staying over.. Vaguely true-- wasn't sure what my plan was for the day. 

We all split off and I went with ariel to explore the island and make our way to the main area. It was about an hour trek to the main part, filled largely with irritating walks over incredibly rocky bits and small cuts on my feet (shouldn't have journied barefoot). We decided to get lunch at some random place where I got literally the most hilariously massive omelette ever. The menu suggested it was one with various sides, but it became clear that they were all just amongst. Though we started with water, we rapidly moved to beer and drink after drink we hung out exploring the beaches, mid day. Ariel ended up investing in a bucket, a move I didn't make, and we watched hundreds of crabs scurrying by our feet for ages. 

We found some sort of dodgy scaffolding bit and climbed our way to distant rocks, lying there until we were properly eaten by mosquitos and had to leave.

We went to a near by baar, and for like the 3rd time by this point, ari acted nacoleptic and fell asleep. I hung around the bar and met a cool group of british people, mostly drawn to their fully inked physiques. 

By the time I went back to check on ari's state of living, he had gone, and I was alone for the night to find new company.

The night wore on and soon the epic beach christmas eve party began. There were stages, a crazy pole people were climbing on and dancing on (met someone a few days later who had a massive crash off of it), fire shows, and masses. They burnt a massive xmas eve sign and everyone celebrated hard. I ended up helping take care of a massive australian dude who drank too much and was puking, and then called it a night.

Come morning I was up early, and decided to start 'the beach,' which isaac had given me, while waiting for everyone else to wake up. I had never seen the movie, and knew little of the story, but apparently it's a must see/read, especially if you're in thailand. I was hooked and barely made it to breakfast with the rest of the crew.

I also noticed that now, for the second time, I woke up with an extra pair of fake raybans. I'm a sunglass clepto it seems.

I spent most of my afternoon lounging around on the beach, swimming in the gorgeous clear sea waters, reading and relaxing. Vincent, the only non jew of the christmas crew was busy seeking out internet for a lot of the day to skype and call his relatives for the holiday. 

Over lunch with elan and ryan (ryan being the only one who wasn't studying with everyone in nyu and china, was the cousin of nick, and just joined them) we decided to sign up for a massage. This was gonna be my first ever massage, and from warnings of the potential harshness of a thai massage, I went with a coconut oil massage. 5 of us got them, nick ryan elan me and josh, and man it was amazing. Pretty cheap and crazy weird. I had no idea I'd be as naked as they made me get, nor fully massaged everywhere, but once I stopped ticklishly laughing, I was relaxed and loving it. 

Every so often the lady killed a mosquito on me, which I guess is the stress of an outdoor sunset massage. When it was done, we all got cups of tea and hung out on pillows for a bit, before heading back up the steep steps to our bungalow to find everyone for dinner. We ate on our side of the island, and though there were mixed views on whether or not to get on the piss at night. Decided against it and went back to the room for much needed sleep. I had ended up paying to stay there for that night, so I got my own little mattress set up in the room.

Come morning I got the free breakfast and decided to get to the main part to figure out how the hell I was getting to ko tao. I thought it would be a little trip, but found out it was going to be yet another nearly 20 hour mission. I booked my ticket and wandered around the main area a bit, getting food and stealing wifi from outside the place I had lunch in the day before. 

The trip out was a 130 2 hour ferry first. I sat outside, getting sunburnt and soaked form the splashing waves, tearing my way through 'the beach.' The next move was a 430 a/c bus to suritani, then a night ferry to ko tao. By ac bus they meant, tiny minivan, a centure I didn't want to take. The people were friendly and I pulled my same previous trick of removing the headrest to use as a window pillow. That took a few hours and then he had an hour in a weird restaurant rest stop, where the tv screens were playing jackass. I got dinner there and chatted with a british couple. We were dropped off at our boat at 730 pm and then had to wait till 11 before going off to ko tao. In our wait I had met a dutch couple on the tuk tuk that took us from bus station to pier (of course, leaving out the hilariously excessive extra modes of transportation), danique and jost, two awesome awesome people. 

We sat with another dutch girl, linda, and a canadian guy, jake. For the duration of our wait we each took turns going to the 7/11 picking up beers for the group, so well tipsy I entered the boat.

Back to Bangkok

So after goodbyes and a sad tuktuk ride to the airport, I checked in at the obnoxiously slow and crowded counter (three ridiculous lines that I kept no lane loyalty to), after spinning yarns with an old finnish man, and went to find my gate. I had some time, played around looking for free internet, and had a seafood salad at some overpriced place with the last of my american dollars. 

The plane ride was easy, with me spending the majority of it typing away, catching up on far too many missed blogs, and at 630, bangkok. I had a flight at 640am, so figured it'd be worthwhile checking in somewhere cheap, actually finally getting some decent shut eye, and then venturing off again. 

A female (first female taxi driver yet) seemed to understand my request- cheap, and very close to airport. 40 minutes later we were still driving and she was busy blabbering away on her cellphone in thai, so everytime I tried to get her attention and ask where the fuck we were going, I found no success. Eventually we stopped at what wouldve been her cousin/sister/bff's guesthouse, filled entirely with thai people... They asked for 1000 baht a night. I laughed. That's $33, and I was staying for like no time, and the rooms were shit. I finally was like fuck it, and gave in. I said I needed a taxi at 4am and they said I couldn't get one before 6... The fuck? After a lot of language confused arguing, I forced the driver to take me somewhere else. In the car she tried to make me communicate on the phone with someone who 'spoke english' but all I heard was high pitched bullshit. Nothing. I was screaming, angry, and all I kept saying was 'no hotel, airport. New taxi.' Eventually she understood that, all the while I was watching the meter go up to nearly 200 baht, based on her retarded driving around. I got out, refused to pay, got into a massive argument with the english speaking taxi stand runner, and stormed back into the airport, livid. Luckily I had no one follow nor arrest me for not paying, but in my opinion, if I end exactly where I started, no one deserves shit.

I searched for the left baggage area, nearly crying to a tourist desk who told me the prices of nearby hotels, and suggested I just sleep in the airport. They said heaps of people do it, there are security guards, the seats are comfy, and everything's darker and quiet at night. I decided to put my pack though in the left baggage area so I'd be free of it's weight, and then did laps around the airport, noticing that not only could I not get internet anywhere (since I wasn't in the terminal anymore) but there were absolutely no places that served meals. I was starving, and eventually bought a dodgy looking egg that was sitting on a bit of rice, which had probably been out all day. It all tasted edible, satiated my hunger, but I was a bit freaked out about the egg's unnatural texture, and lack of yolk pour out at the break. Then I found an awesome vending machine that gives japanese rice balls filled with a small assortment of fishy options. I went with shrimp eggs. Pretty good. By 10pm I was done milling around, moved two benches to face eachother, fashioned some sort of bed and used my bag as my pillow, while hiding my valuable filled fanny pack in my harem pants, popped a valium and went to bed.

After a half hour of my alarm blaring, I finally woke up and went to the ticket counter to check in. I was delirious, only vaguely responding to some british couple's debate about jesus/grandpa sandels versus flipflops. After check in though I got a burst of energy and was doing laps around the airport, looking for wifi. To no avail, I sat at the plain gate and waited. 

As I got to my seat I realised I was, once again in an emergency row, meaning I had to save the plane if it crashed. Good thing it didn't, because before we had even taken off, I was already asleep, and I only woke up to the rustling of people getting off post landing. As I zombied to the baggage claim I was chatting with a group of americans who were off to ko phi phi. At this point in my trip I was planning to stay a night in ko lanta for christmas eve, and then see what was up from there, but they said I could join if I wanted-- they'd find space. Split second tired, random decision said yes, and before I knew it I bought a ticket and was off with 6 american blokes to ko phiphi.